My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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