y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
im six kinds of drunk right now
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i think i just lost a toe
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
