So drunk its hurt
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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