i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
