You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
did you just send me my own nude
Pants are for mortals
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