I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
