Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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