WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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