Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I love you.
Bad choice
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
