he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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