She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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