he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
