watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
