So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
