Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
