dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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