Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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