Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize