New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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