i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
