the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
