So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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