gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
