i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
