i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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