i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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