How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
