i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
