No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
