did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
