Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
