My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
