I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
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i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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