Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
