I wish they made helmets for livers.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
