his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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