piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
