is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
