My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
