why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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