i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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