Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
