I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
