I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
