i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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