Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
