I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Is it penis luge time yet?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
