I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
