Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
