come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
