just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
