the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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