He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
