I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
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thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
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I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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