I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
