I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
