Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
