OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
