allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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