Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize