I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
No subtext here. People are naked.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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