Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
