So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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