I'm eating all of the evidence.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
