I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
