What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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