when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
