I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
